If Houses Could Talk - What Yours is Saying About You
Ever wonder what your house would say if it could talk? Spoiler alert: it wouldn’t always be flattering. As a home inspector, I’ve seen it all—from homes that whisper sweet nothings about their well-loved interiors to houses that scream, "HELP ME!" through peeling paint and suspiciously sagging floors. As a rule of thumb, I always start on the exterior. Yes, I'm a huge creature of habit, but the story the exterior tells is often a direct correlation to whatever is going on inside as well.
Here’s a breakdown of what your house might be saying behind your back.
"I’m Hanging On, But Barely."
Translation: You haven’t done maintenance since Y2K, and it shows. That dripping faucet? It’s not a quirky house feature—it’s a cry for help. The HVAC system that makes noises reminiscent of a dying animal that is covered in an inch of mildew? That’s your home begging for a scheduled maintenance appointment before it decides to die when it's 100 degrees outside.
"I Love Mystery Odors."
Translation: Something died in the walls, or at least that’s what it smells like. Whether it’s years of pet accidents, a forgotten science experiment in the fridge, or a ventilation issue, your house's smell, or lack thereof, tells a story. Pro tip: No amount of scented candles or plug-ins can hide the truth from a home inspector, but I do find that odor-absorbing gels or beads can be pretty helpful in a pinch!
"My Gutters Are Crying."
Translation: Water is your home’s worst enemy, and those clogged gutters aren’t helping. Left unchecked, they’ll channel water straight along your foundation, which can lead to all sorts of erosion and foundation failure problems over time. It is far easier and cheaper to keep the gutters functioning and moving water away from the home than it is to react to a foundation problem later.
"Stop Putting Off That Repair. Seriously."
Translation: The ‘temporary’ fix you made three years ago is not fooling anyone. That duct tape holding your sink drain together? The patch job on the drywall that looks like it was inspired by a Pinterest fail? Your house is judging you, and so is your future home inspector, though not all may do it with as pleasant of a smile on their face as I do.
“I just need some TLC.”
Translation: Neglected houses lose value. Regular maintenance, fresh paint, and basic care can make a world of difference when it’s time to sell. And if you aren't selling, it is also much more cost-effective to take care of small problems as they arise as opposed to ignoring them, leading to a much bigger, much more expensive issue later. A little love now can mean more money in your pocket later.
“I’m Tired, But Well Loved.”
Translation: Not every home is a showpiece, and that’s okay. Some houses have been lived in, laughed in, and cared for, even if they have a few creaky floorboards and outdated fixtures. We love seeing homes that have been maintained with heart, even if they show a little wear. A well-loved home often has the best stories—and those matter just as much as the inspection report. A house that has been cherished over the years tends to have a warmth that no amount of renovations can replace.
So, if your house could talk, would it be thanking you or filing for house neglect? The good news is, it’s never too late to start listening. And if you need a translator (or just a brutally honest opinion), that’s what home inspectors are for!
Until next time, keep your home maintained and your inspection stress-free.
- Your Fave Female Inspector